Friday, March 16, 2012

We're Doomed

I've been thinking about my what happened yesterday, and about what I wrote yesterday. I'm still legitimately bummed out about giving up political discussion on Facebook.

I really want to find a place where I can have a level-headed discusion about politics. Part of that desire comes from an interest in my state and my country. I want the society I live in, and that my kids will live in, to be successful. I want it to be the best place to live in the world, and a place where the "American dream" is more than just a phrase that politicians use to get elected.

But another big part of what attracts me to politics (as a topic) is just the absurdity of the whole system; especially the partisan antics, the lies, the pandering, the misdirection, etc. Election year is like the Super Bowl of social engineering and, like a train wreck, I can’t take my eyes off of it.

It BOGGLES my mind how people just accept their brand of partisan politics at face value. No, 'accept' isn't the right word... they embrace it and regurgitate it as often as they can and with as much fervor as they can muster. It's just... frustrating, disappointing, and overall perplexing.

It seems that for some people the partisan devotion runs so deep that it overpowers their ability to think freely and react appropriately to innocuous political conversation. The partisan mind is a minefield of knee-jerk reactions. If you say anything unflattering about their a person's favorite candidate or anything that could be perceived as diverging from their party's ideology then you risk being labeled their enemy, and as their enemy it's automatically assumed that you'll passionately defend the opposing viewpoint. It goes a little like this:

Bob: "I don't know about Joe Democrat, some of his views seem a little backwards to me"
Jim: "Oh, yeah! Like Bill Republican is sooo perfect! Why don't you go run over some homeless people in your hummer? Scumbag!"
Bob: … um… *head explodes*

Or, turning the tables:

Bob: "I don't know about Bill Republican, some of his views seem a little backwards to me"
Jim: "Oh, yeah! Like Joe Democrat is sooo perfect! Why don't you go run over some unborn babies in your Prius? Scumbag!"
Bob: … um… *head explodes*

The political climate in this country is such that level-headed discussion of political topics is impossible. It *can't* be done. I want so badly to be able to just talk about some stuff, share my observations, get some opinions, etc. without people bringing emotions and preconceptions into the conversation.

I'd love to get to a point where I could say "Yeah, I know a lot about a select few issues; enough to be confident in passionately defending my opinions about them" Unfortunately I don't see any way to get to that point. All the avialable information is biased, and all of it disputed. In effect, all the inputs are bad. How do you get good outputs from bad inputs? You can't.

There has to be something more to be said about these issues, and if people were encouraged to talk about them, debate them, then maybe we could make some progress towards a consensus. Probably not, but at least we'd be trying, and at least we would all understand the issues a little better. But that’s an unrealistic vision. Talking about politics only has one guaranteed result: it will piss people off. That's all you can reasonably expect to get out of it. It’s a shame.

This is the realization I came to yesterday. It's the reason I sterilized my Facebook wall. I'm not venturing out into the minefield again. I'm accepting that no amount of neutrality or disclaimers or civility can offset the insanity that is partisan politics. I will keep my thoughts to myself, like nice people do. Thinking is hard anyway, and I wouldn’t want to impose on anyone. :\

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


I'm frustrated with Facebook so I'm going to give blogging another shot. Why not, right?

I'm frustrated with Facebook because I want it to be something it's not. That is, I want it to be a place where I can talk about mentally stimulating stuff with friends and get opinions and feedback from people I know, and whose opinions I may value. Instead, I can only imagine the number of people who have me blocked entirely. It's weird, I just don't know how to approach it.

I think it would bother me less if people would come out and say "hey, you know what? I just don't want to see your stuff. It bothers me. I'm going to block/defriend you." That I can live with, or adapt to. What bothers me is the idea that I am just annoying people over and over and over again until they quietly block me or defriend me (both in the facebook sense and in the real life sense, but more importantly in the real life sense) and I'm carrying on like an idiot, largely (and naively) oblivious to the fact that I'm alienating people. Or maybe I'm not entirely oblivious, but I don't want to accept it.

Anyway... It's eating me up right now. A crappy end to an otherwise happy day. When everything is said and done I'd kill to have a mentally stimulating debate with anyone who's willing (and about any topic for that matter). All I can manage is pissing people off instead. I'd say I'm misunderstood but more likely it's my own failure to understand or anticipate the way others interpret my words. Either way, the net result is that I come off as an abrasive jerk (or so I've been told).

In the end I'm just way too isolated. I isolate myself. My social circle is about the size of a hoola-hoop. Sometimes I wish I weren't such an introvert; that I could just make small talk and had more in common with other people. I feel really good about a lot of things in my life. There are a lot of things that make me happy to be who I am and where I am, but there's a definite gap in my life and I'm not sure I can of fill it.

Also, I hate that this post comes off as whining. It's not supposed to be whining, it's just me thinking out loud. Trying to put my thoughts into words so I can get them out of my head.
...and now I sound crazy. Great.

Thursday, March 1, 2012


I missed February! In my defense, it is a shorter month, right? Yeah, I know you're all forgiving me.

So... what noteworthy events transpired last month? Well, to start with, Jack has started talking more and more, but he still is very stubborn. He now has said (though don't try to get him to repeat any of these words or he'll either run away laughing or look you straight in the eye and instead say, "ball"): mommy, daddy, duke, choo choo, jack, grandma, hand, no, ball (of course), and that (which he says often, as he's pointing at whatever it is that he wants). I'm sure there have been more, but since he won't repeat himself once he gets a positive reaction from me, I can't remember any others.

Alice started taking swim lessons this week. She LOVES it and looks adorable in the pool with her little friends and teachers. Jack is jealous, though, and makes things difficult on my by squirming and twisting and trying his very hardest to get out of my arms so he can run for that gigantic bathtub.

Erik has been home more this semester since he is only taking one class. It's been nice to have him around. After this semester is over, we're looking at a year until he graduates. Graduation has been such a distant event for so long now that it's hard to think of it as something that will actually take place. We still will probably live in Provo, but I'm coming to terms with that and am actually starting to like this place. I've liked the people here for a long time, but now the place is growing on me, too. I would still love to have a basement. And a garage. And a yard. And another bedroom, my own bathroom, and playgrounds within walking distance... but I'd rather be in an imperfect house than a perfect one that I can't afford.

Not much else new is happening in my life. I teach primary now in church and it's going well. The kids (4-5 yo) can be crazy, but they are fun. I'm still excited about my upcoming employment. I have about a month left before I leave the world of stay-at-home-mom-hood for the world of work-at-home-mom-hood (since I'll be working out of the home). It will be sort of strange, though since it's part time and I'll still never leave the house, hopefully I'll adjust well.

There it is. 1 day late. I'll try to not procrastinate next (this) month.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Almost didn't make it

So it's the very end of the month, and I almost went without posting. This month has been a little too eventful for my taste. It started out with our annual empanada new years party. The empanadas this year were definitely the best that we've had, and the company was great. We had mostly neighborhood friends over for a change, which meant that Alice had a party of her own with all her friends upstairs. It was loud and crazy, but fun. While the party ended early so most people could get their kids in bed, Alice stayed up until midnight with us and watched the fireworks.

A few days later, the kids and I flew to CO to stay the night before catching an early plane the next morning to Orlando. Aidan decided to make the trip to Disney as well as a last minute add on, which sounded like fun, but ended up being very difficult. I'm not sure how Alice would do if she were in the same situation, but Aidan was very sad and ended up going home as soon as Michael could make it out to Florida to bring him back.

We had a great time in Florida, going to the beach, Disney World, and hanging out at Mom and Dad's new condo. Erik came down a few days after we got there, then left a few days before we did. Someone had to be home to earn the money for us to spend, after all! :)

Since we were flying stand by, we planned to stay a few days in CO visiting family and friends before going back home. Unfortunately, the flights were oversold after the first couple of days, so we waited it out. By the time the flights opened up enough for us to fly, though, Jack and I were both getting sick. Him with a fever of 102.5, and me with the normal congestion, runny nose, and a sore throat that radiated through my ears. I ended up at the doctor's office with a sinus infection, and after a couple days of Jack's fever not breaking, we took him in to the ER and found that he had 2 ear infections, which would limit how comfortably he would be able to travel. We decided to wait it out again. By the time he seemed to be doing better, Alice started with her fever and coughing. After a few days of trying to wait it out again, we instead decided that our best bet would be to drive, meeting Erik in Grand Junction so that no one was driving 16 hours in one day.  Driving meant renting a car for the day since we can't all fit in a smart car. And my Dad very graciously did that and took the day off of work to get us home.

Of course, getting stuck at Mom and Dad's house is far from the worst place to get stuck. After a week, though, I was starting to feel as homesick as Aidan did on that first night in Florida (though I wasn't *quite* as emotional... barely...)

As we drove into our neighborhood, 2 and a half weeks after we left, I kept looking at the townhouses and it almost felt surreal that we were actually home, like the entire world had a slightly different color than I remembered it. It felt good to be in my own little house and see my neighbors and friends. I regret not being able to spend more time with my family and friends while I was in CO, but I really didn't want to pass that plague on any further.

The fun unfortunately didn't stop just because we were home, though. On our first day back, we took Jack and Alice in to the Dr. to recheck his ears and have him listen to Alice's cough. Jack's ear was not doing any better, so it is probably a good thing we didn't try to fly. Alice also had to get an x-ray to rule out pneumonia (again), which she thankfully doesn't have (again). She does have asthma, though, which seems to get irritated whenever she gets sick, thus making her cough non-stop. She is on a steroid and now has an inhaler to use as needed, which she hasn't actually needed more than a couple of times. I'm hoping that she will outgrow the asthma, or that it will at least not be bad enough to limit her.

Other than that, our month has been pretty chill. Relaxing, even.  I was cleaning up the house a couple days ago, and Alice said, "Mom, who's coming over?" I told her no one, so she asked, "Then why are you cleaning up?" If only it weren't true.

The last piece of news from January is that I got a call from the HR department at jetBlue. They officially gave me a job offer! I am seriously excited. I'll be working full time for the training, then part time from home after that. It's not a very glamorous job (call center/reservation/customer service type stuff), doesn't pay very well, and the flight benefits aren't the greatest out of SLC, but if I view it as a long term investment, I'm really just building seniority so that when the kids are older (and we possibly live elsewhere), we will be able to fly. And in the meantime, it's a paycheck and it gives me some purpose besides being "Mommy"

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Recap time?

It seems strange to be writing a recap when I haven't written anything else on the blog for an entire year, though maybe that fact makes it all the more important to write my recap. 

I very clearly remember the beginning of 2011 because the year was ushered in with a tragedy. A former coworker lost her baby to SIDS, which put my struggles with my own 3 month old baby into perspective. Every time I was about to complain that he was still waking up every 3 hours throughout the night to eat, I was reminded that he was waking up... and that I was blessed to not have to endure the alternative to that. 

Alice turned 3 this year and she very definitely became a child instead of a toddler. I have loved watching her show what a great big sister she is and how genuinely she loves her baby brother, almost as if she were a second mom to him. 

Erik's company was officially bought out by Echostar which afforded a great sense of stability that we had been previously lacking. It is a good feeling to not be constantly worried that your livelihood could at any moment be taken away. He loves the work he does and the people he does it for. 

Jack hit all of the usual milestones... rolling over, crawling, walking, babbling, laughing. His personality is really starting to show now. He is much more stubborn than Alice and has a short temper. He is a VERY loving boy, though, and is constantly tackling his friends with unstable baby hugs and covering them in slimy baby kisses. He even made sure to give the picture of the baby on the box of diapers lots of love and attention.

I got to be present at the birth of my newest little nephew. It was a very interesting experience and baby Isaac is adorable. :) He's a cranky boy, but cute all the same and hopefully he will out grow his fussiness soon. 

We also got to make a torturous drive up to Seattle for Shawna's wedding. On top of the usual bored children and restless adults, we also passed around a lovely 24 hour bug that made hotel stays and visiting family members less than pleasant. There are times when you just wish you could be in your own bedroom and bathroom. 

Alice started dance lessons this year and loved it. She got to be one of 40 sheep at her recital in the nativity. It was chaos, but still adorable. 

I'm not usually one for new years resolutions, but for the coming year, there are a couple of goals that I have in mind:

  • Be more punctual. I get anxious when I am late and it'd be nice to cut out one more source of anxiety, right?
  • Read to the kids more and help Alice learn to read.
  • Read to myself more. I saw this list of 100 books that everyone should read, and I'd like to start making a dent in it. 
Other than that, there is of course the aforementioned goal to blog once a month. 

Happy New Year!